Funeral Myths

This text was adapted from an article by Todd Van Beck that originally appeared in the Summer 2013 issue of the Dodge Magazine. This is some great information whereby Mr. Van Beck dispels some of the most common myths surrounding funerals.

 

Myth #1: Funerals are too expensive

Facts:

·         It takes about 136 individual steps to complete one average adult funeral

·         The average funeral home charge is about $7,500

·         Cost analysis: based on $7,500 overall cost, each service to the client comes out to be $55 per service

·         The average American (this does not include untimely deaths) lives an average of 75 years

·         Living 75 years equates to living 27,375 days

·         This means the average 75 year old whose funeral costs $7,500 has spent about 27¢ per day for their own funeral.

Myth #2: A funeral is the third greatest expense in life after buying a house or a car

Facts:

·         Ask anyone this question: “Have you ever remodeled your bathroom or kitchen?”

·         Ask anyone this question: “Do you have children in college?”

·         Ask anyone this question: “Did you pay for your daughter’s wedding?” (This question is particularly sobering when viewed in the light that the average wedding now costs $28,400 and the divorce rate is around 52%. One would have better chances of success in Las Vegas.)

 Myth #3: If we keep burying people at this rate the entire United States will become a cemetery

Facts:

·         The world’s population is approximately 5 billion people

·         One thousand people can be buried in one acre of land; each in a single grave space

·         If everyone in the world died at the exact same time, the entire world’s population could be buried on 7,812.5 square miles of land, which is an area just a little smaller than the state of Massachusetts

Myth #4: Caskets are very expensive

Facts:

·         When Abraham Lincoln died in 1865, his casket cost $1,500. It was made of solid walnut; lead-lined, cloth covered and was one of the finest burial receptacles made.

·         Allowing for inflation at a 5% rate, President Lincoln’s casket would cost $2,480,625 today

·         In today’s dollars, casket prices are not nearly as expensive as they were in Lincoln’s day

·         Funeral professionals offer a wide range of caskets to fit any budget. The choice is up to the consumer.

Understanding the Value of Embalming and Restorative Procedures

Beard Mortuary provides this information to assist you and your family with understanding the benefits of embalming, restorative procedures, and visitation time with viewing for your loved one. Please rest assured that the funeral directors and staff of Beard Mortuary fully support the choices you make regarding final disposition of your loved one. We will be glad to discuss all options available to you and your family. We are here to serve you.

The Benefits of Embalming and Restorative Procedures

· Provides comfort for family and friends by allowing them to see and spend time with their loved one.

· Delays the natural process of decomposition and sanitizes the body.

· Allows time for friends and family members to travel to the service.

· In the case of traumatic injuries, embalming allows time for reconstructive procedures to restore the body to a more acceptable and identifiable appearance.

· Allows for delayed final disposition, if necessary.

 About Embalming

Embalming is defined as the process of chemically treating the dead human body to reduce the presence and growth of microorganisms, to temporarily inhibit organic decomposition, and to aid in restoring an acceptable physical appearance.

Embalming is not required by law except under certain circumstances but it is generally considered to be the most desirable method for preparation of the body in order to achieve an opportunity for family and friends to have a visitation and funeral service with the body present.

Contrary to what some may believe, embalming is not a gruesome or archaic process. There are variables in the embalming and restoration process that are predicated upon the presence of disease and trauma, but the basic procedure remains the same:

· The body is bathed, the hair washed and combed, and the eyes and mouth are closed.

· Small incisions are made to gain access to an artery or arteries and a small tube is inserted.

· The accompanying vein is opened to provide drainage of the blood volume.

· Preservative chemical is then injected into the artery under pressure, similar to living blood pressure, to reach all tissues of the body with the disinfecting and preserving chemical mixture.

· After the arterial injection is complete, the artery and vein are ligated and the incision is closed.

· Following the arterial injection, the embalmer will treat the body cavities by  making a small incision in the abdomen and inserting a hollow tube to which suction is attached. This allows removal of body fluids in the internal organs. Preservative solution is then injected into the trunk via the same hollow tube. The incision is then closed and sealed.

· Final procedures such as the application of cosmetics, hair styling, dressing the body in the clothing provided by the family, and casketing are then performed to make the deceased ready for viewing.

Restorative or Reconstructive Procedures

When death occurs from disfiguring trauma it may be necessary for the embalmer to perform additional procedures, similar to plastic surgery, in order to achieve an acceptable and identifiable condition.

 Traumatic injuries can occur from different types of fatal incidents. When deaths are investigated by the appropriate officials, the family may be told that, due to the condition of the body, the deceased is not viewable. Typically, physicians, coroners, and law enforcement personnel are not qualified to make such a determination. Beard Mortuary has on staff a reconstructive specialist who has advanced training in post-mortem reconstructive surgery. This specialist can reconstruct some of the most severe traumatic injuries and make the deceased’s appearance acceptable and recognizable.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. If I am going to have my loved one cremated, is there any need for embalming or restorative procedures?

A. Regardless of the method of final disposition, we believe that everyone should consider the benefits of embalming, restorative procedures, viewing, and ceremonies. Many people who have opted for direct disposition with no viewing have regretted that decision later.

Q. Why is it important to have a final viewing of my loved one following death?

A. Psychologists agree that confronting death via a viewing of the body confirms in the mind that the death has actually occurred and is the best way to start the path toward healing the loss.

B. Viewing allows family and friends time to say goodbye in their own way.

C. Having the body present and the casket open at the viewing and service is the most personalized way to honor your loved one.

D. Viewing allows time for family and friends to gather and share their grief. It is said that grief shared is grief diminished. This time of fellowship also provides a supportive and safe place for loved ones to begin to transition from life with the loved one to life without the loved one.

E. Since infancy we have been taught that it is right and proper to say hello and goodbye. A viewing is a public recognition of the significance of the life of your loved one.

Q. Can’t my loved one’s body just be refrigerated before the viewing?

A. Cooling the body to approximately 35—38 degrees will slow down the natural decomposition process for a time. The effectiveness of cooling will vary dependent on a number of factors. Cooling does not allow for reconstructive procedures to be performed and does not address cosmetic issues that may render the body un-viewable. Embalming is always the preferred method of body preparation.

 

The Arrangement Conference

By: Shane Ritchie, CFSP, Licensee-In-Charge

    
Your funeral director is there to assist you in creating a tribute that is a meaningful and memorable reflection of your loved one’s life. While each funeral service should be unique to the individual, there is some information and items that are necessary in every case. Below is a list of common items to bring to the arrangement conference. 
 

·         Important Documents and Information:  For the death certificate and obituary you will need your loved ones full name, Social Security number, birthdate, marriage information, cemetery information, primary physician’s name, parents names (including mother’s maiden name), spouse’s name (maiden name for wives), birthplace, military discharge (DD214), life insurance policies, employment information, education information, names of family members and their spouses.

·         Photos: A clear, recent photo of your loved one to aid the hairdresser and cosmetologist and for the newspaper and website obituary. Forty to fifty pictures for a DVD tribute video, if desired.

·          Clothing: It is very appropriate to bring clothing that fits your loved ones personality. It doesn’t have to be a suit or dress but those are always appropriate also. Long sleeves are usually the best choice. Be sure to bring a complete set of underclothes; under pants, socks and undershirt for a man, panties, bra, and hose or socks for a woman.

·         Glasses: If your loved one wore glasses, it would be wise to bring them. Although most people don’t wear glasses when in repose, your loved one will look much more familiar to those who are used to seeing them with them on. Be sure and tell your funeral director if you wish the glasses to be returned to you after the service, if you want them to remain with your loved one or if they should be donated to your local Lions Club.

·         Jewelry: Any type of jewelry that your loved one wore in life is appropriate. Be sure to let your funeral director know if the jewelry should be returned to you after the service or if it will remain with your loved one.

·         Favorite poem or verse for the memorial folders (Your funeral director can help you with this if you don’t have anything in particular in mind).

At the arrangement conference (or any time before, during or after the service), don’t hesitate to ask any questions or express any concerns that you may have. Your funeral director is there to serve you and will be happy to help in any way possible.

     Remember, at Beard Mortuary, we try and make the entire process as comfortable and convenient for you as possible. We will gladly provide a complimentary limo and driver to bring you and your family to the arrangement conference, or, if you prefer, we will come to your home and hold the arrangement conference there.  Our complimentary limo and concierge service is available to you throughout the funeral process. Just let us know when you wish to be picked up and where you need to go. We will take care of the details and our professional driver will arrive promptly and will be ready to assist you in any way possible.

The Truth About “Family Owned” Versus “Corporate” Funeral Homes

By: Shane Ritchie, Licensee-In-Charge

Because of the fact that so many funeral homes offer services that are remarkably similar, some of our friends at so called “family owned” funeral homes have decided that, in an attempt to “differentiate” themselves from the competition, it would be wise to borrow a page from politics and demonize their competitors. They use words like “conglomerate” and “multinational” to conjure up images of uncaring wealthy tycoons counting their money while taking advantage of people in their time of need and stepping on the little guys. They talk about the big out of state corporations that have “taken over” the once locally owned establishments and shout buyer beware!

A quick check of public records reveals an interesting fact; all the local funeral homes in the Tri-State are corporate owned. Even the so called “family owned” firms are actually owned by corporations of which the family members may be the only stock holders. The real fact is that a corporation is neither good nor bad. It is merely a legal form of business organization. It has no bearing at all in and of itself on how the firm provides its services or who manages the day to day operations. It is simply a non-issue which has been twisted and exploited for marketing purposes.

At Beard Mortuary we partnered with Carriage Services, Inc. in 1998 in an effort to bring a higher level of service to our funeral home and our client families. This partnership has allowed us to have access to the wisdom of the best and brightest minds in the funeral profession and has offered a depth of support that is simply not available to small, independent firms; allowing us to remain on the cutting edge of funeral service innovation. It has also brought us economies of scale so that our prices can remain very competitive while still offering superior service and value to our client families. Moreover, it has allowed us to properly take care of our employees by offering good wages and benefits such as life, health, and dental insurance.

But most important is what it has not done. It has not changed the fact that Beard Mortuary is managed, staffed and operated by a group of caring, compassionate people who are all life-long residents of the Tri-State. We still offer the same uncompromising service and highest standards of excellence that C. Harold Beard set into motion so many years ago.

           Before you make a decision, please stop by Beard Mortuary and talk with Shane, Lisa or Jordan and let us show you all that we have to offer. We would be happy to answer any and all questions you may have about funeral, cremation, and other end of life planning issues. We are available to serve you twenty four hours per day, seven days per week. You’ll always be warmly greeted and we will take the time to listen to your needs and desires to help you create a truly memorable and meaningful end of life celebration.

The Importance of Ritual and Permanent Memorialization

By: Shane Ritchie, CFSP

     
            A few years ago I arranged a direct cremation for a gentleman whose children were in charge of his disposition. I would estimate that his three children were all in their twenties. It was obvious that this was all new to them.

“Dad was a free spirit; he wouldn’t want a public ceremony or any ceremony at all for that matter. We just want to scatter his ashes on the beach.”

OK. Fair enough. But what about a permanent place of memorialization?

“Why would we need that? We remember dad for who he was. We don’t need a stone in a cemetery to remember our dad.”

During our conversation I began to notice a lot of “we” and “I” entering the discussion so I inquired about dad’s friends, grandchildren, future generations who might want to know about their roots. The blank looks on the faces around me told the story. They had never even given any thought to matters like that. The fact that funerals (and anything associated with them) make people feel uncomfortable often seems to be their justification to re-invent the ritual, trying to turn it into something that is more pleasant and/or efficient (though not necessarily effective), or worse yet, dispensing with it altogether.

One of my hobbies is genealogy. Tracing my ancestry gives me a sense of continuity and adds meaning to my life. Visiting the graves of my kinsman is a spiritual journey for me. When there is no permanent memorial, a person eventually just ceases to exist. A wise man once said “Memorials are stepping stones to the past and to the future; they link the generations.”

            As a funeral director, I feel that a major part of my job is educating the public about such things as the importance of ritual and memorialization through ceremony and monuments. There is a reason that humans have held funeral rituals and practiced permanent memorialization since the beginning of time. I believe that we all have an innate, God given need to honor and memorialize the dead. By sidestepping this need we are doing a disservice to our emotional well-being and to future generations.

            For a free booklet on arranging meaningful funerals, call us here at Beard Mortuary at 304-522-8253. Visit us online at www.beardmortuary.com and www.facebook.com/beardmortuarywv

 

 

Beware of Pseudo Grief Experts

The Beard Mortuary Blog

by Licensee-In-Charge, Shane Ritchie,CFSP

www.beard mortuary.com
www.facebook.com/beardmortuarywv





I've noticed something in the last few months that I find troubling; funeral directors promoting themselves as grief counseling experts. While funeral directors are given minimal training in grief studies during their tenure at mortuary school, they are in no way qualified as grief counselors. In most states a grief counselor must, at a minimum, hold a bachelors degree in psychology, have further specialized training in counseling and grief studies, and be licensed by the state. While most funeral directors certainly are compassionate people who have experience in dealing with people during times of grief, most do not have the specific education and experience to be qualified counselors. Even with continuing education that is offered to funeral directors in the areas of grief and mourning, they do not make one a grief expert.

At Beard Mortuary we have adopted the companioning the mourner protocol established by Dr. Alan Wolfelt, the countries leading expert and educator on grief and mourning. The tenets of the companioning model are:

1. Companioning is about being present to another person’s pain; it is not about taking away the pain.
2. Companioning is about going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being; it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.
3. Companioning is about honoring the spirit; it is not about focusing on the intellect.
4. Companioning is about listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing with the head.
5. Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not about judging or directing these struggles.
6. Companioning is about walking alongside;it is not about leading or being led.
7. Companioning is about discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it does not mean filling up every moment with words.
8. Companioning is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
9. Companioning is about respecting disorder and confusion; it is not about imposing order and logic.
10. Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them.
11. Companioning is about compassionate curiosity; it is not about expertise.

Our directors are compassionate, competent individuals  who know how to help those who are grieving through the use of literature written by true experts, lending a empathetic ear and shoulder to cry on, and just "being there" whenever needed. We always direct those with complicated grief to the appropriate professional counselors. We never pretend to be something we are not. This is not only unethical but potentially illegal.

So the next time you hear a funeral director (or anyone else for that matter) claiming to be a grief expert offering grief seminars and advice, ask to see their qualifications.

For more information on companioning the mourner and Dr. Wolfelt visit www.centerforloss.com


Shane A.S. Ritchie is a licensed West Virginia funeral director and embalmer and the Licensee-In-Charge at Beard Mortuary In huntington, WV. He may be reached via email at shane.shuttritchie@carriageservice.com